Tuesday, May 26, 2009

To write, To feal, To breath

To write it to feal adn to feal is to breath
But i do not write to feal
I do not care to feal
So i do not care to breath
I write I ithn ksimply to write
I write simple to let out what is in side
Hoping the impending doom wot stike
IT always does though
No matter how much i write
I still get hit by sapresed emsitons
rising with revenge
Like ants coming out of ther hole when en enimy attakcs
My sparessed emtiopns attakc me
THey tkae hold of me and beat me
Till they feal satsided
or til i win
To will i sapress them agen
THe fight and iconcer
THe anger hostitly
THe crying
The horible hole
Then agen i stand apon them
Like a victer of a grate war
THey are under my control now
Like a slave
To not feall oh the beuty
To not ahve to hert
Oh the joy
Hay joy in not fealing
Should not joy be for good
ionsted of evil
Als let it be this way
ELt the joy i feall come form simpley deafting my emitons
Let the tiems a smile to only be when imake you laugh
LEt me feal no more
ket me write no more
let em feal no maore
let me breath no more
for the disre i have lost
the hope i jahve lsot
head ahs
engulfs me
takes me
so to this isay good by let em no loger feal
so i no longer breath
Let ths be my modo:
:et the walls stnad strong
THe mask look real
THe hole be only mine
And let me never alow another human to be ware i am to often
Let me never forget thease words
Let thme ay heavey on me
Let me care for others more thne my self
And et no kone ever be ware i ahve and will continu to be
TO breath is to feall and icare not teo feall
But to write iis to hope that iw ill never have to feal agen

Saturday, May 23, 2009

How do you tell some one?

How do you tell somneone all they ahve done fory ou? How do you tell somone that there are so meany days they'ev saved you;re life? and they didnt evne know it. How do you tell thme that with out knoinw they kept you;re heart beating? that there are so menay times oy uwnated to give up but then they came time midn and you dcoudns you just coudnt. How do you tell thme they make you smile al lthe time? That life can stink on ice but they make you laugh evne when you;re having the wordst day. How do oyu tell soemone that there hugs are pricless? THat when you get a hug fomr them soemithng in oyu jumps adn you jsut feal contant and for a moment like in tohs arms you could cry adn it woudnt matter. How do you tell someone how confterable they make you feal aorund thme> THat they can fall asleep on oyu nad you would usly be so tense thhat ever msucel in you was rock hard but when they do you see it as nothnig at all and jsut smile a little. How do you tell someone that they make you feall safe. You cant explane it but for someoe reosn they mkae you feall ike you cna jsut drop the maks and be ok. Why is that one perons can help so much and do os much and not even know? How are you sops to tell thme? How are you sopos to let thme know? AMbby this is jsut it justr write it. Thease words though dont do it jsutstins thes words thoguh will never elt thme know, Man the'll probley read this and think its not thme. IF knew tohugh waht they do when there around me how mcuh they ahve fdone for ame adn helped me they'ed diny it all becouse they think them self not that grand. But the truth is they are..........

Saturday, May 16, 2009

What iwould vleo to tell my mom

Mom i ncat boleve you
I caont boelve yudid this
You volated my privacey
You crossed the line
I dont give a care if you say it is what was best for me
You dont care You dont
so dont give m e that junk
Dont tell me tyou care you dont
Dont you get it
I didnt trust you befor
/YYou ware strating to get it back
And you crossed the line
And so help me if you ever i men ever
Read my my ims agen
I will get up out of this house adn leave
And i wont come bakc
I dont ask you fpor much
I dont expect you to love me
or hug me
ir evne give a care
Al ll iwant is privicey
Adn you knwo what if ou ever ever
invade my privicey agne
Im leaveing adn im not coeming back
im packing a bag and going whare ever i cna get
So now jsut eave me alone
Im made at you
Im more thne made at you
So jsut leave me alone
Just leave em alone

Thursday, May 7, 2009

I woudnt mind if

I woudnt mind if
My emitons would shoosea side
Iwasnt up and thne donw
If litlte words ddint kill me

I woudnt mind if
I was alone
If no one creard
people stoped lving me

I would like if
I could jsut disaper
I coukd hid my face formth e world
My name ws neves said agen

I would like if
I could stand and lookat thme and not shake
I could run away
I woudl disper and no one even noticed

I owuld love if
I stoped hurting pepole
I was good friend
I had the write thing to sty atlest one

I would lvoe if
I could igure out why
If i could jsut wake up and be ok
If i stoed hurting

I would die if
I keep hurting people
there is never an end this
If i never find my place

I would die if
I hurt aanother firned like her
Ifi keep hiring what i do wrong
If i never can get out of this stupid buble

I want to
Figure out why im like this
How to hlep you
How to care better

I want to
Make tihngs write
MAke people laugh
Change you;re world

I am a
a fighter
an ideat

I am
super woman
stronger thne stong

I am a
broken chiled
perosn who cnat find there way
lost couse

I am
a worrier
A smiling face
a listner

I am
the perons with no answers
the perons ith wrong thing to say
the perosn hwo is hoples

I woudnt mind
I woudl like
I would love
i woudl die
I want
I am

I woudnt mind if you forgot me
I would like if i ocudl disaberp
I owudl lvoe if God gave you someone better
I would die if do that all i agen
I want to stop worring you
I am nothing to be menchind

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Its all my falt

The world is falling aprt
It is my falt
My friends hurt
It is my falt
My paritsn are dispiotned
Its my falt
Oh oyu say it as a joke
But my firneds its true
All this pain this hurt
ITs my falt
I ocsed the pain
I coused it all
By the way that k you
THank you for amkeing me parinod
I am scare d of ogf my mind now to hurt peole
beouce ofy ou;tre words
Oh how childish of me
but oh how real it is
Im scared im scared to hurt people becouse of you
I cna tget thos wors aout of my head of thos stupd stuoid words
THere now ne graved in stone
THey wont idsaper
THe ecoh thee hall ways oh my mind
They dance in happness wal lthe couse me misery
How how can such simple words do that
wHy who do i let thme do that
Waht ca i do
Oh turn up the muscie
Oh alt my thoguh diffret awy
Ah the simplesty of not tihnking
Wich the muscie mad eth hrut go away
Please ripe it fomr me
No no
Leave it leave it
I diserv it
I deiserve this hurt
Look waht i have done to thme
TO the people i say i l ove
I diserve th pain
I diserve it all
bEoceu guess waht ?
Its all my falt
ITs all my falt
LEt me write it on the chock bord
Punish me for my trnagresions
MAke em pay for whati ave done
HAve i hurt you ?
THen beat me
Have i amde you cry
THen meake me cry in pain
HAve i killed oy uin side
THe fead my body yot the birds adn kill me
LEt the pain i couse you emisont let that pain be csoeued eto me phyiscley
100 times over urt me
let me die
kill me with the ain i couse ed you
Beocue incase you forgt
ITs all my falt

Sunday, May 3, 2009

My words are meaning less
I am meaning lesss
I sit there
no one cares
I do nothng
I am notitnhgh
My name wasnt said once
Im the lackey
All im there foris to make copieys
All i do with frined
Is amke thme angree
I hurt thme
Why dont i jsut kill me
Ill kill my self
adn you iwl lala be all wright
if ido no one will cry
you will alla get over find somen one els
the copy machin wont miss me
MY friends wont miss me
my famly wont miss me
the tearshes who ahve to deal with me wont miss me
there will be an open spot thonig more
Il lbe gone
nottihng more
It woudnt matter
alll i do is make copys
All i do is hurt peooeple
All i do is mkae mpeople want to leabve
Well ill mkae the choice ieasy why donti loveave
Il llevt you be
If i leave no one will hurt
Seee this is all aobut me
Im not good unuf
Wasnt good unuf for soccer
Wasnt good unuf for the paly
Wasnt good u nuf for ER
Soon i wont be good unuf for leadership
So i could jsut leave
woudnt it akme it easer on all of you ?