Wednesday, April 29, 2009

I jsut i dont know
see ithoguh it was the write things
but the look the look in you;re eye
i know i made you hurt
and who am i
ahhhhhh who am i
i hurt you
and it lookled liek i amost made yo cry
i thouht it was the wright thing but now i see
wh onyt you jsut hate me?
please will you sut hate me thne iould run away thne icoudl die and now one would cry
What a lowsey friend amd i
i made you do someitnhg you didnt want to do
i would hat me
if i was you
and why couse iothugh it was best
man ewho am i
i dnot knwo what best
i am jsut a foool
I act so cool
and play of my mask
oh the mask
i look likei knwo what is best
adn yet who am i
i am such afool
i dont knw waht to do
I play off that im so strong
but wright now iwant to look more doorand spend the day asleep in my room
you want to isolat youres self
i want to to
but im scared of my thoguh
if i jsut keep on movine
i won ahve ot ithnk
if i jsut keep on being buess i wnat have to tkae adrink
What kidna firnd am o
THe kinda that makes oyu wan to sink
the kinda that kema you wnat ot dies
waht kinda frined ma i
i am miserble in all seeesn as a frined who jsut filles you with emtines
oh i cry froy ou
oh i cry for you
you do not diserveiths game
you diserve soeithng so much more tame
some one stabel
soem one mroe able
My God him self kil me
jsut to stop the pain i put you through
LEt Him strick and kill me now
AMbby with rhe flue
with a cari hope its true
jsut kil wme with aknife
i wont put up a fite
Or mabbey kill we with hite
slowly and painfuly if you please
jsut to ttek the pain form thos i've hurt
to help htohs tt i always divert
through meto the curb
PLease jsut dont let thme hurt...

Sunday, April 26, 2009

Im tired of messing up jsut so ever one knows
im tired of it.
Im tired of pain.
Im tired of life. Im tired of being the bad guy
Im tired of not habving the write thing to say.
Im tired of lieing. Im tired of being told im not good unuf.
Im tired of being hurt.
Im tired of fealing likei want to cry but never elting my self or never being able to
Im itred of living like this
Im tired of being tires
It tired of being me
Im tired of trying hard
Im tired of working adn getting nothnifg fomr it
Im tire of not being good unuf

I guess stuff ahs jsut been going on this was a gblog befor but i change the adress s my frined asced em if i had delted it oculd ahve told her no and that i jsut chaged the adres but didnt want to cosue this is the only place i cna say what ever i want to say and she wanont get magde at me. Man some times i m tired of that frendship i never say the write thing i never do the writght things atlest weeekly she gets amd at me nad it hurts and im tierd of it im tired of bieng hurt and the thing is sje dosnt even know itry o tel ehr and she jsut gets mead dani pleas dani waht is so stinkin ahard aoubt i dont want to tlakobut it any more what is so hard to udnerst that some one got uncofertable what is so stinkin hard aoubt that to stink undernst hwy cant she. She jsut gets mad she is alway amd at me ialways do soemithg worng i always mkae her mad some how i alwas always do something wong im ena come on me do someitnh write ha thats a joke.

Im tierd of this fealing see i have another frined nad i might have sliped out someoe of how i feal and all and now she is worred im dipressed what she dsont know is that im sue to thins i have felt tihs way for so long i;ve don it all beofr she tihnk when she talks i dont get it but i do i live it. She is awlays worrrded dosnt want me dipresed man i have bne like this forever i didnt know dipresion could couse headachs untl a docter siad it and when my mom asked me if was dipressed i jsut sad no of coures it is totly posible it runs in my family. Ha ha a drunk jerk father whos diressed sont get that that effects kids moving effects fealing hopleslost adn emti nca kinda do this to aperons Peopal not seem to get when isay stuff aoubt my self i have atendince to bolev it and then see it as true its kinds like my way fo crying out i guess. I hate it. I ahte it all. I wish i oculd jsut curl up in a ball and disaper. There are some days i want tocome home and jsut not tlato any one losk my door and not come out. The only reosn idont is cos i have people dipending on me. Ha how funy people dipendiing on someone hwo is faling apart some one who dsont know up fomr down. Ha its funy wrting helps but hurts atll at the same time. I jsut i dont know i jsut wnat it to all stop. Oh and by the way im tited of palying of that stupid stupid maks. I go to churhc usnday night adn ill good smileing having fun adn thne i get home an i fell like imgdiging and i hate it i jst hate it. That is the worst feling in the world goinb g sfrom like over the moon to 6 ft under it kills it akmmes me jstu want to lay in bed and enver move to never ever get bakc up agen.

Im tired of woring poeli realy am. I jsut worry poelp all the item. I ahve a finred that i tnhk i scared good last night. I ddint mean to it jsut jsut hurt. I dont know why. See it wasnt logicla at the piont in time i've felt the pain but usly it coems with my piered and is cramps realy realy bad crams that mkae me puke my guts out. Adn last inght i was so scared i would. I was so glad i could fall aaslepe. I ddint mena to worry ehr but when yu;re stomics husrts liekt hat its not easy to ignor. I nca ignore my knee and head ashc but that one no way its like like soemone is shooting me stabing em Hum nice tohugh someone killing me. Ha hA that a ice though t o ithnk thaat to me it feals nice if soemone wnat s to kil me amni m one meessed up kid nothnig knew though i always knew that. Im just tired of well everthing

Sunday, April 12, 2009

A better pale with out me

Do you ever feal like no matter what you say no matter waht you do you are always doing seomthnig wrong. Welcoe to my world. It seems mor eand more no matter what i do no matter whati say i am jsut doing it wrong.I keep starting fights. What ever isay is worng. What ever i do is worng. Im wrong. I almost miss spoke tonight and told a frined why donti jsut go killl my self ill make you;re life a hole lot easer. and when i tihnk abotu it realy think aobut it... its true. If i went off and killed my self it would be better fore ever one. I menai ahve one perons i once kalled my best frined who i am constitly fighitng with and constily geting hr mad at me. Im constintly sayig the wrong thing doing the wrog tihng. I never doanything wright with her. Thne i have a ntohe finred weere i have distruped the order of ehr life. Messed things up with her. Evner as im sitng ehr i have my best frined elling at me. MAbby mabby if you jsut elt me get a few days with out you killing me i owuld be ok. And then tihs over thing frine di know i;ve done things that ahve made her look diffrnet at things or hcange some or waht ever i jsut dont knw if the hcange is good or bad yet i guess tim will tel. My family would e better. I mena sut more mony for my paronts to spend on and another mouth to feed, Another kid to get thorgh colige amni wounder how much mony they would save if iwasn around probley a hug piece of change. My siter would be better of one less anying pest. Kids at school woudnt enve notice. And peole at churho wudnt even care. MY family owuld be glad to get soemone so anying out and frinds the litlt i have would be glad they dot have in inmature little kid aorund, All and all i dont relay doanyitnhg write i mena come on im jsut an ideat an anyng pest. If ikilled my self it woudl be better for the world better for ever one. I ea comeone who wnats me waround? Im jsut some idotice, nasrsitec, anying, pest like, life sucking, uncareing, insenstive, undiservieng, ungratful little ideat who is jsuta pain in eerones butt.

Her lies DAni Boucher. Were glad the grond took her cosue the world sure didnt want her. Praise God she is gone.

Friday, April 10, 2009

Who want to
Who would want to tlak to me
Im not specil
I have nothnig good to say
I dont udnenst
I odnt tihnk you quie get it dani
yeha i know im jsut a little kid to oyu
So iinisint
adn i knwo i dont knwo pain
I get it
to oyu im just another perosn
so all of you jsut another humen
jsut another dead ear
Jsut another perons hwo dont get it
Just another perons who is worthless
yes thats me

What if told youthough
What if i let youknow
I get it
I get what oit is like to sit in crowed of pople of frineds enve
adn feal totly alone
to not wnat o to tkae the next breth
To want to jsut curl up in a ball and never ever wake agen
What if itold oyu kno what it was like to feal so diconected adn not ene be able to knw how to get back
What if i to l you know what it is like
THat i could undersnt ever word yuos aid
and how it felt

no i cna t
you woudnt boelve me
you would sutthink im trying to play you amke you feal better
i cnat say it to you cosue i knwo you wont boelve ites true
i get it i ikno
i udnenrst

To oyu all i am is that litle kid
To oyu all i am is someon who will never get it
Who jsut ownt udnernst
i get i tok
i get it
i jsut wish oyou know

Monday, April 6, 2009

That is me

An uptrusction
An opstical
thats all i am

A freak
A now it all
thats all i am

I jerk
an un careinfg frined
thats who i am

Un loving
un lovable
that who i am

A freak
A monster
that what i am

A burdon
A wiaght
That waht i am

A hater
a fight
that is y charicter

A bitrarer
A killer
THat is my charictor

I am the one that you though loved you
But ended up killing you
That is me

I am the one you confide in
But thne find whos words are filled empty
That is me

I am the one you boleve in
But the one who thne crushed you;re dreams
THat is me

I am the killer who you sought refuger in
But thne you saw the evil side of my mask
THat is me

I am the one who has through you in the grace
iI am the one who barried oyu
THat is me

I am the one who words are meaninless
I am the one whos words are always worng
THat is me

I ma the onw the leach
the one that feeds of of you
That is me

The one who filles you;re heart with hatred
THe one who filles you mind iwth dipresion
that is me

Just kill me
through me off a brig
shoot me in the head
slite my thorought
Ride the world of the reched beast i all me
menless owrth less
Yes my frined that is me
But who am i to clal oyu my frined
I am the beast
So kill me let me a die slowly
Let me dye painfuly
Let me die
L:et the world be ride of me
It is better with out me