Sunday, September 27, 2009

I see
You tihnk i dont
But i do
I see everthing you dont wna t me to
I knwo the things you wish ididnt know
I dont try
I jsut do
I see it in ypur eyes
I see thos moments when you want to hit me
I see the moments you jstuw antt o tell me
I see the momsent you jstu want tme to hold you
And truth be todl i wish you wodl sjtu say
I wish you owuld jsut hit mw
I wiahs you owuld get angree with me
I wish you owuld hit me and be angree with me
I wish you would
Truth be told i jsut wishy ou owuld tell me
THat oyu odnt wantot ltk
THat you cont truths me
THat you dont want to
THat you cant
TRuth be told i jsut want you to jsut ahnd g on to me
Truth be told i would jsut hold you
TRuth ebe todl soem nights i widh you were there
Beocuse sotmesim its nice to know someone esl is there
Somtesim i jsut want to lay my head on you
And sjtu stay thre
somedays iwish to jstu b ehled
Some days i wihs to cry
but non shall happen
Nothing will happend
For i am me
I no longer cry
I know btter then to want
I knwo better thne to wish
So tongiht i do not wish
I do not hope for
And i knw my wants will never be true
I knwo btter thne that
And iknwo me
And i know that thi i is how it will always be

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Hay Lindsey whats up? Jordan snaswerd tthe phone noshilantly as she usly did whenit was slindsey
Jordan can yo get ove rher please Jordans vioce was frnatice she was panting osmething was up
Whats wrong? JOrnda askeds as seh grabed her keys adn andliscens
He's back and its jsut me and Oliva home. He ahd beomce the ganrica term they used for Lindseys father. THey had deammed hum unwrothey of haveing a real name
Im coming stay on the line with me. Jorndne jmped into her car and sped out of her naberhood.
What hpapend?
I dont know he jsut showed up im sure he is drunk and started paining on the door when i woudnt tlet ihm in he got nagree i sent olive to go hid i dont wnat....
Im coming donw owrry il be ther Jorans words wore smother by ablood curtiling screma that cnm formt he other line
Lindsey Linsds THe last thin g Jornd herd was Lindsey fomsrmning thne the line went dead. Jornda dropeed the phone and put the speed on as her speed toped well over 60 down the abandend back rodes Jornda edrenlin begna to rtush

Jordna pulled into the nabords drive way and walked over to Lindsys hosue the fornt door houd bene kidked in and now was swung open. Jordna oculd her screming comeing form the back room of the hosue ans she tunred the ocrner. she cought osemithng in her preful vision it was olive seh was lating on the grund.
Olive olive jordna wisperd as she chekced for a pulse
Jordna olive siad as she orled over nad grapeed the girl aroudn the neck
Lisnte to me cna you walk? Olive shookc her head yes
MY car s in you;re nabers drive way you go voe ther lock the dorrs the only reosn you will unlick theos doors is for you;re sisre or me for no other reson will you get out of that car you understn ? Oliva nodded andjornd ahanded her the keys
Jordan could still her the screaming comeing fomr the bkac room as she walked she could see drops of blood on the floor a fist makr in the was and scuff makrs alone the walls and flors. With ever step her adrenil rose. Her heart rced and the screams becmae louder. THe door was ckraked unuf for Jordna to see into the tom she sawth e bkac of a man and a lindse fase has his fist am doen on her her fasede was no longer hers as she was barly regnisalbe fomrth ebrusoing an d welling that now over wlemed her/ JHornda dinst hesit tat jordan dint think she ran throgh the cracked foor and body slammed Him agenst the wall as he slip down the wal jordn bounced of. Lindsw was crumbled up on the bed there were slash makr on her arms and blood comeing fmor ehr face.
Linds Lindsy Linds barly mubmled a hum.
Lindsy Lindsy .
I otld you i was ocmeing
Jornda oculd her the gurmbling of him beinhd her and could tlel he was beign o stand
Listen i know this is going ot b e hard but i need you to try and amke it to my car it s in ur nabors drive way
No no im not going to leave you
PLease Lindsy do this for me
Lisey please
OK, Lindasy stumbled up and walked as if she hadmore alcohol thne any one could possible consum Jordan could tell she was stumbling donw the hlal way but she herd the front fdoor open so she new that lindsy was safe for now. Jordan tunred and jsut as she spoted him her face cought the edge of his left hook
Uou are a little he mumerd the rest Jordna foudn her self on the ground and jsut as he was apout to step on her she rolled to the left as he lsot his balince
look im not looking for a fight Jordan words wore usles as he stamerd back to his feat and took another swing at her this time she retunr it with one solid punch to the kidney, it angerd him he slammed jordan agenst the walll into a mero that crush agnest ehr back
I dont like it when people dont play nice his slerd words came out jordna ducked beeneth another punch adn turned around him he swiftly doged a punch she was dielrding smsashing her ahand into the now blorken merer she felt no pain though as her hole boddy felt the edrenlin serging her. Jordan took one nicle placed kick and he tumbled to the ground jordna new this might be her only chance as she stager down the halw way to the door but she herd the heave foot steps behind ehr and trunred to meat the decvil him self who ahd picked up a bat and took one hard blow to jordna s kneee. Befor she new what was happend she was on the groun nad he had jumped ontop of her she felt a sharp stap to her stomic
You're all alike.... he said horsley with a mosk of bear and wiskey on his breath... Ill teahc toy ut he smae lest i taught her. He brought his face in close to her and seh took one good lung of her head forword. She had nocked of his balnice and squrmed her self out for under neth him as eh was rising jornd otook on last good kick and he laid on the ground motinless. Jornad amitly brought a hadn to jhis nekc one tht she now sough was bloode stained to hcek that his ouldse was thstill there. Jornda mind rusheed and thne she remberd Lindsy nad olive jornda raced out fo the house but ehr right leg jsut woudnt move the way shee need it to. As she approched her car she could see that tew girls olive pwoling adn linds holding ehr in her arms.........................

Friday, August 28, 2009

Do you see the woman
Sitting 2 rowes from the front
With the mkae up
Coverin the black eye He gave her last night
And d yo see the man of to the left side
hiss eyesy use to shine
but now they just show
THe hang over fromt he night befor

THeare are our people
There the ones who ahve the mask
plaster agenst there face
So last take thme in Lets raise thme up
And lets show the Gods grae inthis place

Do you see the girl
With the blonda hair
Mom and dad divered and she rember it all
Now she noy even shere God exits
And what abotu that teenager nect to her
Wopuld you boleve she's tihnk aoubt tkae her life

THeare are our people
There the ones who ahve the mask
plaster agenst there face
So last take thme in Lets raise thme up
And lets show the Gods grae inthis place

Theres the collige frate boy
Who jsut a weke ago
hAd his friend die in his arms
After a car reck
Adnt her a mother whos son took his own life
SHe dosnt know whare she went wrong

THeare are our people
There the ones who ahve the mask
plaster agenst there face
So last take thme in Lets raise thme up
And show thme Gods grace

what happend to us
what happend to this place
now we hold the mask firm
firm to our face
And we ownt let no one in
Ho no we wont let no one in

THeare are our people
There the ones who ahve the mask
plaster agenst there face
So last take thme in Lets raise thme up
And show thme Gods grace

HO elts ripe of the maks
FO society
stop playingt he fack smile
Adn be who were made to be

THeare are our people
There the ones who ahve the mask
plaster agenst there face
So last take thme in Lets raise thme up
And show thme Gods grace

And show thme Gods grace

Friday, August 21, 2009

MY dear child

Come her my child
Come sit in my shadow
Let the sun beat donw on our backs
LEt us smeell the freshley cut gras
And let me tell you a store
As you lay you're head gentley agnest me
For theres seomthing you dont know
Sometihng that you havent heard
Soemithng you havet seen in this dark place you;re in
A secret that has been hididng fomr you;re eyes
But my child today
Among the blosuming trease
Adn the sweat sweat lilles
With the sun beating down on us
And the smeell of freshley cut grass
Adn with you;re head gently agnest me
I will share it with you
I will tell you the secret you never knew
THe one that might not hlep you
But the one that keep s others going
THe one that tells the truth aoubt love
And gives the aswer to smoe questiona
And couse even more
My child i wissh to tell you
THat i wish to tkae all the pain in the world fomr you
I iwsh to take the pain i i cna see in you;re body
That frail body fo you;re
THe one i can see that ahs becoem weak
I care o take that pain fomr you my child
I want to wrap mya rms around you hold you close
And take it fomr you all of it
I wnat the pain you have to disaper
If you are stnading clos to death door
Let me through you to lifes door
ELt me statr death in the eyes for you
Dor my child
My dear sweayt child
As we sit hear uming the singing birds
Amoung the bue sky
With the trees blusming
Ans ther liles lising to our secret words
Withe the sun beating down on use
Adn the smell of freshily cut grass lingering umung us
I tlel you iths
My dear child
I lvoe you
I love you like icna not telll you
I wnat to take all pain fomr you
bEocues my sweat child i wish tou to be happy
I wish to see you fly with he brids
CFor you; eyes to twinkal like the big blue sky
Fro you to climb umung the blusums fo the treees
And for you to share you;re gigles with the lilies that will alwasy listne in
My child coem here
LAy you;re head in my lap
LEt me strok you;re hear softley
ELt me tell you the secrets that you sohudl hear
THat i would lvoe to take all th pain fomr you
THat i want o see you hpappe
THat i woudl give anyitnhgh for you my child
Adn this all becosue i lveo you
ear sweat child
One day yu and i
We shall not sit with the birds singing aroudn us
One day my dear shild
WE shall not sit bunethe the blue sky
Or amonng the closuming tress
We my dear shild
We will not have the sun beat down on use
Shall not share are secrets with the lilleis slsitnig in
Adn the senct fo the freshily cut grase will be forgotn fomr you;re midn
For my dear child
One day you will cly of
You will fallow the path that God has set fory ou
And my dear child liek al grate things
Oh child do not cry
One day my dear child i will hold you agne
We shall sit agne umung the sing birds chiping butful hims
Umung the blosming treas that never die
We shall have the Son smile down on us
We shall sit bunthe the blues sky that seams to never tunr gray
And we my child
Shalll share are secrest among the lillies that never semem to droup
And my child will will smels the sweat sweat smelel of newly cut grass and it wlll never be forgten domfr our mind
But today my dear child as we siter her
As you lean agenst em so gently
And I anrap you in my hold
I wish for th epain you feal to be tkae formy ou
I pray for you;re happins to come unuf for you toe rember waht it is
But to always apreatit it
And i pray that you;re hart will filll with love
Like the love i see you so frelly give away
Now my shild lay agenst em so doftly as you so
LEt the birds sing amung us
LEt the sun beat donw on us
LEt us sit amoung the tress that are blosuming
Luet us sit benth the blue sky
Let us tell our secrest with the lilleys listing in
And lsitne to my voice
Telling you the things i wish you to know
THe secreats i want you to know
And let us be
For now let us jsut be

Friday, August 7, 2009

I sohuld tell you i sohuld tell you

Ever wish you coudl say waht you need to
see ei find my self hiding
hididng all emtion all fealling
I hide anytihng that mkes me human
I dont wnat ot ltkato people so idont
Im sure if wiant edt o tlak
THere are plentey around to talk ot
But i dont wna t to
I wnat to stay whare i am contant
In a world whare i tell my self that it iwll be ok
And i make my self feal better
In a place i nthkim safe
But realy i make tihngs wrse
See imade a mworld for my self
Whare i ahve control
THere are things i cnat aviod thoguh
Like the fact that i feal physical pain
Im jsut cures as how i was walking wrong for so lpong and no dr ever noticed
Now i ahve to cortrrect it
MAn im use to that
Fixiing my mistaxes
I make thos alot
I jsut wish people would stop lblaming them self
If iwant to talk i will
Boelve me im harde head unuf that you cant stop me
But i dont wnat to so wont

Thursday, August 6, 2009

I knew it would happen
I wished that for once i oculd domsoenitf wrifht
and it didint happen
i saw my serlf driving on sunday
but no not any more
i failed thats all ther is to it
I made a stupid stupid mistake and i cant bolev ei did that
I was stupid
and itotice
Im an ideat
Adn i cant boelve that i did sucha thing
I got cokey
I sohuld hav eknow
Now ido ill fial next wekke two i know that much
Im not trong unuf
I msmart unuf to knwo that
No one souhld say idnfnret
cosue illl fight thme to the death
not sure why im evne tryign out
but i am
i lvoe soccer
but know that th last time i tepped on a field and last itme ill ever step on a field was psa
Tired of me
Tired of failing
Tired fo life
wont kaw the play
LEt add that to the lsit
Wish i coudl do better
But cant
Live a pathtic life
Am pathetic

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

i sit alone
on aw et deack
and its 3 am
and iv;e done it agne
what ienver wanted to do

cose its 3 am
and i messesd up agne
did tthe wrong thing once more
and i dont know waht to do
cosue im such a mess
and its 3 am

i made you insicre
i made you feal unsafe
adn i never inted to
but its 3 am
and i find my self in this place agne

cose its 3 am
and i messesd up agne
did tthe wrong thing once more
and i dont know waht to do
cosue im such a mess
and its 3 am

im jsut a screw iup
someone who will never do wright
and i cnat be who is needed
and i cant od what tneeds to be done

cose its 3 am
and i messesd up agne
did tthe wrong thing once more
and i dont know waht to do
cosue im such a mess
and its 3 am

Friday, July 24, 2009

i found my self wish
Tongiht wishing
No not that the nail polishw as gone
And no not that i woudt ahve to whare the dress tommarow
I was wish to be with you
TO hold you
To make you feal safe
So that you could know someone one cares
So you knew that some one loved you
So you would jsut feall somne next tot you \
So oyu would know you're not alone
SO mabby you could feal a little help
So you could cry
So you didnt ahve to hold back
So you woudnt have to be strong
So you could be you
And not be ashamed
So mabbey jsuy mabby you could be ok
But hay
Im jsut dreaming
Hay im jsut wishing
Hay im sut me

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

the anger boiles in my hands
The heat rases to my face
IT turns strawbarey read
I can feall the anger sepping in
But then like a sleghammer i drop the waight
I smuther the anger
I smuther the pain
I give it not another chance t o breath
I stuf it in a weat sogey emptey box
And stack ot in the dark dingery
Oh so ful basment of a hind part of me
Agenst a walll
With so meany boxes
All Lappeld
In slopey wright
Date offense
Anger leavel
THere they stay slowly bieng smother
Mokre and more ever day
Till one day
THe boxes have had unuf
A bomb goes of
The top is blown
And the anger erupts
The rom comes yto a crumbingling pille
And caos sinks in
THe strawbary read retunrns to my face
My fits clench
I feall the explose
ADn i explode
Im oof im gone
Ever offense that i;ve commited
ever tiem i;ve been yelled at
Ever angrey word said agenst me
TIs all out
THen the dust setels
THe air clears
THe boxs the rom in runes
I reabuld the romo
Brick by brick
To keep out of sight of any onewho might see
I hid it away
Hopeful to never see another day
Hopeful for eo one to ever see

Saturday, July 18, 2009


ever looked at the world?
ever jsut stoped and taken a view?
Ever looked bast the mask of people?
Ever stopedboelving ther im ok lies?
Ever sene morein there eyes?
Ever walked past siome one and seen the pain?
Ever felt ther hurt?
Ever spent a late night careing for a friend?
Ever knwo what its liekto fell hepless doignthe only tihng you cna do ?
Ever feal like you have ntohing mroe to offer?
Ever wish you could give anything everthing?
but cnat fined anything mroe?
Ever Find ur slef wishing to trade placeswith af rined to take ther pain?
Ever wonder if you;re doignt he write thing?
Ever wish you had more answers?
Ever find you;re self so wrapped up with a friend you cna almost fella ther pain?
Ever find ou;re self looking into osmeone eyees knwonig that ther answer si un true?
Ever wanted to show soemone thetruth?
Ever wish you knew how?
Ever find you;re self doing soemtihng you never expected?
Ever find you;re self holding soemone jst so you knwo there safe?
Ever wished you could hold on to soemone to protect thme fomrt he world?
Ever held soemone jsut so they knew someone was there?

Thursday, July 16, 2009

Did you know today
I sat on the deck
Sander in my hand
With my mind racing
Did you know today
I wanted to call of hanging with my friend
Did you know today
I almost burts out in tears
Did you know to day
THat suicid hit my mind once agen
Did you know today
THat i felt like a falure
Did you know today
That i really jsut want to be alone
Did you know today
I would love tocurl up in my bed
And enver coem out
Did you know today
i didnt want to get on the ocmputer
Csoeu i didint want nay one caring
Did you know today
I felt un loved
Did you know today
THat my stomic turn and mad me feal sick
Did you know today
THat i fell hopless
Did you know today
THat i know i;ve pulled away
Dd=i you know today
THat i dont feal confert
did ou know today
THat ever seens maine i;ve puleled away
ddi you know today
I let down ever one
Did you know today
I relised it didnt hurt
When you said you were leaveing
did you knwo today
I realsided ever one leves
Did you knwo today
I cant think of any one whos staid
Did ou know todat
I wish i could disaper
No i gues you did not
How would you
I didnt tell you
I guess
How could you

Thursday, July 9, 2009

you wnat to knw waht i want to say to you her it is miss thinkgs she cna get mt eo to say waht she wants so she donst get made and me and we cna have this perfect litlte friendship

I nwa tto say the only reson you are askign me is so that ill say idont want her to stay ether so that to oyu it cna be jsutified so oyu hcna feal like it sall wright by saying oh yeah thats waht dani tihnks to./ Well gues waht im not you;re little pupet
i woant let you play me in you;re hand i no longer bend to youre will i iwll not tdo waht you wnat ot avod i fight you want to fight me go ahead jsut know that if isay waht im ithnknig you will not be ablet o respond. Ogh and by the way donyt you dare ever ever ever agen say that you know whats going oion in my head and ylellign me wha tim saying isnt true cosue guess hwat kido you dont you have no diea what s going o in my head guess what tou dont ha ha ha you know waht you are sitll easy to read and me well i;ve shut down turnted out the light when yuoi;re angere y you;ite angree whan you;re sad you;re sad not to hard. But you know what i wont give you the satifaciton of mee yelling at you you wna totknw waht ha ha ha? beouce thne you will jsut ahve an toher things to wright on you;re blog aoubt this or that and how i am sucha bad frin dnad abnading you what ever you knw waht what estinkni eve ri dont give an sitnkni carea ny more you want to fit bm e bring it on one punch nad i got you down nice try younging nice rtry mabby tomaor or ambby come bka cin a year

Monday, July 6, 2009

Fake hero

She put on the cape once more. It choked ehr still But the fapric called her name ever morning as she rose with the sun. THe tight suiet that cover her body with the larg S in the fornt naow seems to almsot suffictat her. dry clean it next tiem she tohugh to her seldf. she went aobut ehr day She was ther hero. Some one fell Her rupper gloved hand that once protected ehr but now had ripes and tarts so that ehr hands were scraped with the messes ther her refuges ahve experinced. If somone needed to take a wa;k ther was thr hero once angen but the shooes that once protected ehr feat formt he beatend and painful trailes her refuges travedlw ere now beatne and taterd so that the sharp rokes and stons drew the blood of not only here victum but also ther hero. If some on was fdrownding it was ehr thatat saved thme. But the life jakect that once held her up as she brought in the refug now was taterd and worn and no longer kept ehr aflot. Her lungs would fill with watter and she woudl gasp her air as the watter took its vitum and allso a piece of the hero. If ther crows of the air were atking the hart of ehr regues ther hero steped in but the sheild that once protected ehr form the sharp ruthless beaks now awas rsed and had dents ion it so its consitns was that of sitn foil nad as she resuced ehr refuge also her heart ther birds rook with the knife like beeks and ther spike like clows. As the end f the day rolled aroudnth er hero foudn her suit barly fititng nay more as her body speleed fomr ther ruff hnads pionted rockes drownding watter and knife like bird beeks. The suot riped a litlte more each day and she could enver find ad a way to repber it fr ever nigh ther bed she lay exust with thoguhts filling ehr mind adn tongiht othugh the edge of a cliff she stood. the suet almsot falling of ehr dbody yot realve ther scared brused and broken body under neth. Tonghig she would jump as her blood foot sliped off the edge and as she was ready for the trokcs to take ther not so heroic hero. THe hand that had touched so meany plintes spikes piont andbene cut and priked now toched soemithng more soft as it cought one hadn thne the other. THe hand that were soft rapped thme self aroudn her heroos. Befor the heor new what was happeng she was standing on the top of the rock once agne .THe supper suit that she once help so dear as she saw it ehr place now was gone fomr ehr body not a shred lefyt leaving ehr exposed and naked to the holder of the soft hands. THe not so much her stood ashemds of the scared beaten brused aching pulsing bodey that had been so abused. Ashemd se turn trying to cover ever scare fo the body that semes more deformed fomr the missuse then acurit "THease would suit you;re purpos better" As the real hero hadned jeans and a t-shert to the once not so much hero. The eposed scares filled his eyes. He saw the abuse the not so much her had gone through as she gave everthing she ahd for othere never elatitng ehr self have a pieace. IT was time for ehr to find ehr place and as the cloths slip on she foudn ehr place in his arms rapepd in wormth As si strong arms engulfed ehr He ened no super sout to identife Him as ahero. THe red and blody hand he rappedn the half brokend and more scared thne actule skin feat he clenad and bandged THe lungs that were almsot sinking in her chest fmor the watter he escreted the water form. Adn the hear th at ahd bene turn in so meant direction it resembiled a mudbuble of red isnted of aheart he sawed. That mnngiht He laid her in her bed whare she hofoudn her real plae not the one of the fake Hero......

Sunday, July 5, 2009

Are scared to ask
I saw the lsit
Are you scared to ask me alll thos quesiont
What ill bit you;re head of
Scared the blood will rush out of you;re boddy
Scared im a savig
Scared ill rip you to pieces if you do
I wont
JSut ask
If i dont wwant to answer
I wont
But you enver ask
I never get the chance
So why dony ou sut ask
WEll take ift fomr there
Why do you tihnk me so savige
so crazy why?
Did i do someithng
Did i turn agenst you
Am i bear
wHo only wishes to protect ehr cube
A couger on the prall
I didnt tihnk i was
btu mabby you tihnk i am
MAbby im wonrg
AMbby i trun avig and wild
MAbby i turna genst you
But a quesoint
Are oyu so scared to ask
THat you wont
THat you tihn kill killl you if you do
Well odnt owrry
I wont push
YOu cna aks if you want
But ahy give me a chnace

Saturday, July 4, 2009

ever wish

do oyu ever jsut feal alone?
ever jsut feal like you dont belong?
ever jsut wish you wernt soem whare?
ever want to disaper?
Ever want to jsut go away?
Ever want to jsut die?
Ever want to jsut cry?
ever wish oyu wernt you?
Ever wish you could knwo waht was true?
Ever wish you would be msised?
Ever wish you wish you wernt so pissed
Ever wish you wernt sad
Ever wish you wenrt mad?
Ever wish to jsut feal?
Ever wish to never feal so oyu cna deal?
Ever wish you could jump?
Ever wish you were just a lump
Ever wish to just be hpapy
Ever wish life wanst so sappey
Ever wish to belopng
Ever wish you wernt so wrong?
Ever wish tyou wernt you
Ever wish you wernt so blue?
Ever wish that people would care
Ever wish life was fair?
Ever wish you jsut culd stop wishing
Ever wish you could stop msising
Ever wish that the wishes were true
Ever wish life could become new
Evef wish that wishes were true?

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

ever sitnk tihn nyou tellse me make sm tihng that
i get it im not thr firned you ever want ed ok
i get it
ok i do
stop tlaling me that not how it is
i know i know ok
i do
Just leave m e alone
Let me
beill brobley wake with bloody fits tomor
im tired of this
im tired of huritng
irealy realy am
tired of it
im sut tire dof iths all
please soem one save me
please please
THe more i joke aoubt soemtihg
The more i hurt
The more saratik i am
THe more i want to block out life
The funner i mam to other people
tHe more i hurt inside
THe more my life is falgina part
THe mroe i hate everithn aroudn me
THe mroe i joke the more im sinigk in
THe more im faling
THe more im hurting
the more life is coemign aprt at the seems
Dont you getit
CAnt tou see
Its how i dael
How i cope
How iconmpinsate
When life is faling aprt
Atles i cna make you laugh
At lest i cna make yu funy
I stop talking
I dont knw why
SI top felaing
THank you :Lord
I stop evernth
And it hurts oh it hurts
but i dont fgive a care
Cut me
brake me
Make me nothnig more hne dirt
THat wlll make me hpapy

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Dear Keith-
I have writen to you befor but it never seems to be aobut me. It always us aiybt siemtihng else adn so i guess this time im going to write to you aoubt me. Theres alot you dont knw aoubt me and i guess im jsut so stuck whare i am i want to tell some one mabby jsut ambby someone will finely be able to hlep but hay people have tried beofr and failed

so first of i dont have the peect family my dad has gootne drunk acouple of time sens we moved fomr KS and he lieks to mess aroudn wehn he is crunk witch mean i get slamend into walls or dropend on my back ithngs like that. Witch menas i dont rtleay like my dad and idont realy hang out with my dad like i use to. I guessit is stupied ofr me to hold a grudge but waht would you do? Dont worry my dad hasnt dont anyithg seens octoper so yhea .

Oh and im depresed well aprintly and apritnyl its prty saver atlest acordng to the score i got o nthe test my councler gave me oh yeha write you dont know that eather i have councler now it hapepnd aroudnth etime you were getin alyssa one my mom pritty much made me so i have to go to aocunler but she cfound otu waht a hard shelel i am to crakc nad how i realy dont tlak how she is pritty much going ot give me "tools" to try and hlep this dpressinio nad stop it. Yeah writght bieng messed up is part of my life leasey eye dysleci bad knee bad bakc lets through depresion in there dani can handle it i men coem one she loves bineg diffrnet it jsut is rokcing asum ofr her so lets just ad another label on ther otm ake her feal wors. HA ha wel donst God ahve a sense of humer.

S pritty muc h im a kod wo is depressed donst like my dad and finds my self puling away fomrany one who could ghlep me cosue well they give up. "tooks" are not goignt o hlep me with this depreison thing i dont gie a care if get better so im not to sure why this counciler tihngks this will hlep i dontknow aoubt ehr some times. Btu ahy waht ever its better if no one cares i thne dont ahve to worr yoaubt huritng any one . you might ihnk waht oubt you;re mom well all thos time my dad was mesing around and wresiling with em she never did a hting to stop it so pritty mcuh dot realy trust her a lick. Biut you knw life is good. ITs goldeny good like the sutn in the blue blues stky

Well sjtut hoghu you mgiht nwat to knw a litlte mroe aoubt me seens you know i ma with you alot and on you;re yeachign teamn astuff
well hav eogod night keith

Sunday, June 28, 2009

THe clow rexhes outt fomr the iron gate
IT has broken the lock once agne
now it graps at me with the sharp claws that sink into me
I try to run but it it is hopless
My eefferts are usless
it graps me
it plunges the clues into
my blood is aorudn me now
the red trikels out of my skin
it seeps down
It burnd
ITs ri[[ing me now
I tr yyo screm
but nothig comes
the screams are sapressed
its effertless
THere is notihnh i cna do
ITs claws dig in dep
I finely stop fiting
AS it slowlly kils me
It never though dilers the deadly kill althoug i wish it toanytihng is better thne the tortur i feal
I hear the creasm of ones who are jsut now being attecked
as the best through me to the ground
IT is fdone with me
ITs gmae it no longer wantt s to play with me
It no longer ifnds me abeling
so ttothe gorund it rtothugs me
To the rough ahrd ground
aS the blodd sepes forthe cuts that it left me
THe ones that cros of the scares
Wahr eit has atecked me bfr
MY blood is all around me
Micsing with the damps adn drity ground
THey start to sitng
the dirt mixing in the blood
I wil lsurvive
Althohug i wish ot be dead
This dogen i am rtreped in is as close to Hell as one can get
But the dorr will never open for me
I lay ther now
No hope
Hurting and pledding
thecuts will heal
but the scares wioll remind me
THe beast will coem agen
There face is vode
THey stoped them self fomr fealing
There eyes use to hold asparkal of hope
But then there empty
Now they are void of any hope
Thera re small creases whare smiles once lingerd across the face
But now ther soft
for smiles dpnt cross ther face often
THere skin is ruff
Riuff like thr haeart
Witch they ahve protected with barb wire
The hand that they use to softle toch sholder
Is now ruff and hard
TI no long holds the simpothey
Ithol d anger
Like a viper ready to reals its venom on its victom
Ther sholders are hard
They no longerket thme rest
THe muscils alaways tens
THe no long are a resting place for thos who tears once fell
Thos people left a long time a go
Now all they do is saport themusculer arms
They are empty now thoguh with out perpso
THe larg arms once rapped thme self aroudn hirting finrds
But now they rapp thme slef around notihng
they fell em[tey and with out purpos
There love that they once hd so dear
is now viod of the body they merly live in now
But is it trule living
With out love
They flot in life and they no longer feal
Ice cold there hadns stay
Like the icey coldnesss of there hart
Empty vode
thats what hey are
I want to be a haro
I want save
I want tom akme chang happen
But i cant
Im no haro
I cant amek things change
I cant save anything or any one
How are you sopos to when oyu keep sinking
I cant be a haro
Im nothing that could be ahero
I mkae no diffrence i make no change
Im not helpful at all
Im pritty sure
I jsut hurt
I cosue foights
Adn im make people angree
Im nota haro
Im not helpful
Im not a good daught
Im not a good sister
and of coures im not a good friend
IOm usre the only thing i ever do is hurt
All eiver do is mess things up
I realy dont do anytihng write
I mess up
I wishi ould be better
Wish i could be a better frined
a better dusght
a better sister
but im jsut me im not a hero
im not a side kick
im not even the photogrifer tkaing ther picture
Im th elittle kid
Standing on the stree
wide eyed at the heros
wishing one day to be one of thme
But now the only battle i fight
Is killing th e bug crowligna cross thr stee

Saturday, June 27, 2009

How is it

How is it i cant be here
How is it im not happy
How is it i wat to cry at little things
How is it i never seem to get sue to things
How is it thati jsut kep going
How is it i cna hurt so meany
How is it i cna never go back
I;ve siad so much i regreat
Done s much i hate
I do things out of fear of him
Not jsut ot do it
I do it couse im scared of him
It shoudnt be like that
I houdnt be scared of him
I sohuld respect him
I sohudnt though be scared
I almost stiver when he yles
That is so so so wrong
I hate it
I fell like so times i hate him
Im tired of the being pickekd on
Im scared il snap
Hit him Kick him
Im scared ill hurt him
I dont want to get angre with him
but i know i will
I jsut i odn tknow
im scared of power t
That day i had you pined down
I had to let go
I knew i had the power
And that scared me
becosue i didnt want to hurt you
I know what monstter is in my blood
Almsot like the hulk it runs in me
But its for em to release
And i dont want to becoome that moster
I;ve snene the damig that moster can do
I dont want to hurt you
I dont want be that mosnster but i kno i can be
I've sene my angre rages
I ahve the same tmper he has
And luckey me inharty the same dapresion
Im just asking for it
But i dont wnat ot be the same moster
I dont want to hurt you
But i knwo se easly i cna
THat that alsone scares me
MAbby im better of gon

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

i wnat to write
but i cant

Saturday, June 13, 2009

i am temted to cut
i jsut wantt o feall the pain the hurt
but insted ihit
self mutilaitn somen would call it
i jsut call it pain
its days like thease
were its all goign grate a
dn thne wam there i am
so i hit
my hand aches now
its bene a long itm seens i did it
but the darkeness the wquietneess of the house it tempes me
and i find realife
it only for a mount in the pain that is ragin in my hand
as my nuckes ach with ever single ghit of th key
but soetihng inside of me subsides
icnat cry
iwantt ot but i cnat cry
it angers me
and thne i hit
no kin tonight will brake
no blood tongiht was sheed
but ihit
and thne rest

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

it crazy now
this life
or i guess lack of one is better
no life
that waht i have
do oyu ever find your;e self wishing
wishing everon one would froget about you
my only concern ever would be hirting poeple
pushing somen one els over the edge
by mey aciotns
ha i alread do that
youblame you;re self
but dony uoget it
i did it
If i went iday wit hout feling this way
I might freak out
I get anxiose now
i get worred now
i fronw more now
I slepe lesss now
summer is here
and im wuesiton everthing
I dint knwo waht to do
I wi hsi i had the anqers
to ever quisont you might aks
i woish i could be helpful to eveithg that comes to pass
but i am me
and all of this is not a part of me
but i am simpley me
hopeless worthless meaning elsss
i am me
ou think me importn
but im not
usles worthless
let me bee
leave me and you;ll froget m e
if you leaveme iciupld ocmit i deed
i tihnk clear no long
i am no longer me
i feal lost and emty
worthless hoples
meing less
i am notihng impornt nothng for reosn
I am not who i souhld be
i am notithng that is good
But now m lips iclose
theses tough ill skpek of to non one
that laddy idont care to see
the peole who ithn km perfect
the dmail i souhld not ae a part of
thinghs things i kepe her and in my heart and mabey one others eaars
but how oculdi reject her
so nice an s sweat and caring
you vna never say no
its not bad
exept when i worry her
exepct when she is worryed
thne its bad
bad that is me

Sunday, June 7, 2009

Ourbiget fear

I fear
you fear
we Fear
What do I fear
Whayt do you fear
What do we fear
I fear becoeming you
YOu fear becoem me
We fear becoming eachother
I fear beomcing what ou are
I fear you becomeing me
I dont want to hurt people like you did
I dont want you to hurt like i did
We are so scred
But realy the fear is us
Our self
And nothing els
THe worst is us
THe evil is us
Nothnig els
Notihng more
The hurt the paon
IT comes fomr us
We are the Evil
We are the bad
We mkae it in us
We fight it so mcuh
But we dont realise it is us
THe evil omces fomr nothnig els
but us
we are waht we hate
THe evil springs from us
We eat the apple
We pisked up the sword
We did it
But we cna cahnge it
We dont ahve to let thme turn out like su
WE dont ahve to be like them
We dont have to dow hat they did
We cna cahnge it
Im not thme
You're nt thme
We're not thme
I choose shoose to change
Do you
Do we
Tomarw is gone
WE dont ahve to be thme
THey dont ahve to be us
My fear is ill be you
My fear is you'll be me

Monday, June 1, 2009

i havnet been much help lattely
but you know that
I havent bene doing much good lattley
but you know that
I havent realy made anything better lattley
but you know that
I;ve jsut been makieng it wore lattley
but you know that
I've jsut bbeen meesing up alttely
but you knw that
My words have been empty lattley
but you know that
I wtched tihngs fall aprat lately
but you know that
I;ve bene huirting people alot lattley
but you know that
I;ve let people donw lattley
but you know that
I've frogotten alot lattley
but you know that
I;ve lied alot lattely
but you know that
I;ve put up more walles latley
But you knwo that
The maks is getting tighter latley
but you knwo that
Ive been more of a burdan lattley
but you know that
I'm ready yo let go more lattley
bu you knwo that

Theas words are nothing new
The hoghuts are nothing new
Let thme come true
Let thme be the truth
Let this come to pase
Adn thne be put in th past
Let me lean into it
And be a part of it
Let it consum me
Let it breth in me
Let this be the last
at me slip to the past

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

To write, To feal, To breath

To write it to feal adn to feal is to breath
But i do not write to feal
I do not care to feal
So i do not care to breath
I write I ithn ksimply to write
I write simple to let out what is in side
Hoping the impending doom wot stike
IT always does though
No matter how much i write
I still get hit by sapresed emsitons
rising with revenge
Like ants coming out of ther hole when en enimy attakcs
My sparessed emtiopns attakc me
THey tkae hold of me and beat me
Till they feal satsided
or til i win
To will i sapress them agen
THe fight and iconcer
THe anger hostitly
THe crying
The horible hole
Then agen i stand apon them
Like a victer of a grate war
THey are under my control now
Like a slave
To not feall oh the beuty
To not ahve to hert
Oh the joy
Hay joy in not fealing
Should not joy be for good
ionsted of evil
Als let it be this way
ELt the joy i feall come form simpley deafting my emitons
Let the tiems a smile to only be when imake you laugh
LEt me feal no more
ket me write no more
let em feal no maore
let me breath no more
for the disre i have lost
the hope i jahve lsot
head ahs
engulfs me
takes me
so to this isay good by let em no loger feal
so i no longer breath
Let ths be my modo:
:et the walls stnad strong
THe mask look real
THe hole be only mine
And let me never alow another human to be ware i am to often
Let me never forget thease words
Let thme ay heavey on me
Let me care for others more thne my self
And et no kone ever be ware i ahve and will continu to be
TO breath is to feall and icare not teo feall
But to write iis to hope that iw ill never have to feal agen

Saturday, May 23, 2009

How do you tell some one?

How do you tell somneone all they ahve done fory ou? How do you tell somone that there are so meany days they'ev saved you;re life? and they didnt evne know it. How do you tell thme that with out knoinw they kept you;re heart beating? that there are so menay times oy uwnated to give up but then they came time midn and you dcoudns you just coudnt. How do you tell thme they make you smile al lthe time? That life can stink on ice but they make you laugh evne when you;re having the wordst day. How do oyu tell soemone that there hugs are pricless? THat when you get a hug fomr them soemithng in oyu jumps adn you jsut feal contant and for a moment like in tohs arms you could cry adn it woudnt matter. How do you tell someone how confterable they make you feal aorund thme> THat they can fall asleep on oyu nad you would usly be so tense thhat ever msucel in you was rock hard but when they do you see it as nothnig at all and jsut smile a little. How do you tell someone that they make you feall safe. You cant explane it but for someoe reosn they mkae you feall ike you cna jsut drop the maks and be ok. Why is that one perons can help so much and do os much and not even know? How are you sops to tell thme? How are you sopos to let thme know? AMbby this is jsut it justr write it. Thease words though dont do it jsutstins thes words thoguh will never elt thme know, Man the'll probley read this and think its not thme. IF knew tohugh waht they do when there around me how mcuh they ahve fdone for ame adn helped me they'ed diny it all becouse they think them self not that grand. But the truth is they are..........

Saturday, May 16, 2009

What iwould vleo to tell my mom

Mom i ncat boleve you
I caont boelve yudid this
You volated my privacey
You crossed the line
I dont give a care if you say it is what was best for me
You dont care You dont
so dont give m e that junk
Dont tell me tyou care you dont
Dont you get it
I didnt trust you befor
/YYou ware strating to get it back
And you crossed the line
And so help me if you ever i men ever
Read my my ims agen
I will get up out of this house adn leave
And i wont come bakc
I dont ask you fpor much
I dont expect you to love me
or hug me
ir evne give a care
Al ll iwant is privicey
Adn you knwo what if ou ever ever
invade my privicey agne
Im leaveing adn im not coeming back
im packing a bag and going whare ever i cna get
So now jsut eave me alone
Im made at you
Im more thne made at you
So jsut leave me alone
Just leave em alone

Thursday, May 7, 2009

I woudnt mind if

I woudnt mind if
My emitons would shoosea side
Iwasnt up and thne donw
If litlte words ddint kill me

I woudnt mind if
I was alone
If no one creard
people stoped lving me

I would like if
I could jsut disaper
I coukd hid my face formth e world
My name ws neves said agen

I would like if
I could stand and lookat thme and not shake
I could run away
I woudl disper and no one even noticed

I owuld love if
I stoped hurting pepole
I was good friend
I had the write thing to sty atlest one

I would lvoe if
I could igure out why
If i could jsut wake up and be ok
If i stoed hurting

I would die if
I keep hurting people
there is never an end this
If i never find my place

I would die if
I hurt aanother firned like her
Ifi keep hiring what i do wrong
If i never can get out of this stupid buble

I want to
Figure out why im like this
How to hlep you
How to care better

I want to
Make tihngs write
MAke people laugh
Change you;re world

I am a
a fighter
an ideat

I am
super woman
stronger thne stong

I am a
broken chiled
perosn who cnat find there way
lost couse

I am
a worrier
A smiling face
a listner

I am
the perons with no answers
the perons ith wrong thing to say
the perosn hwo is hoples

I woudnt mind
I woudl like
I would love
i woudl die
I want
I am

I woudnt mind if you forgot me
I would like if i ocudl disaberp
I owudl lvoe if God gave you someone better
I would die if do that all i agen
I want to stop worring you
I am nothing to be menchind

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Its all my falt

The world is falling aprt
It is my falt
My friends hurt
It is my falt
My paritsn are dispiotned
Its my falt
Oh oyu say it as a joke
But my firneds its true
All this pain this hurt
ITs my falt
I ocsed the pain
I coused it all
By the way that k you
THank you for amkeing me parinod
I am scare d of ogf my mind now to hurt peole
beouce ofy ou;tre words
Oh how childish of me
but oh how real it is
Im scared im scared to hurt people becouse of you
I cna tget thos wors aout of my head of thos stupd stuoid words
THere now ne graved in stone
THey wont idsaper
THe ecoh thee hall ways oh my mind
They dance in happness wal lthe couse me misery
How how can such simple words do that
wHy who do i let thme do that
Waht ca i do
Oh turn up the muscie
Oh alt my thoguh diffret awy
Ah the simplesty of not tihnking
Wich the muscie mad eth hrut go away
Please ripe it fomr me
No no
Leave it leave it
I diserv it
I deiserve this hurt
Look waht i have done to thme
TO the people i say i l ove
I diserve th pain
I diserve it all
bEoceu guess waht ?
Its all my falt
ITs all my falt
LEt me write it on the chock bord
Punish me for my trnagresions
MAke em pay for whati ave done
HAve i hurt you ?
THen beat me
Have i amde you cry
THen meake me cry in pain
HAve i killed oy uin side
THe fead my body yot the birds adn kill me
LEt the pain i couse you emisont let that pain be csoeued eto me phyiscley
100 times over urt me
let me die
kill me with the ain i couse ed you
Beocue incase you forgt
ITs all my falt

Sunday, May 3, 2009

My words are meaning less
I am meaning lesss
I sit there
no one cares
I do nothng
I am notitnhgh
My name wasnt said once
Im the lackey
All im there foris to make copieys
All i do with frined
Is amke thme angree
I hurt thme
Why dont i jsut kill me
Ill kill my self
adn you iwl lala be all wright
if ido no one will cry
you will alla get over find somen one els
the copy machin wont miss me
MY friends wont miss me
my famly wont miss me
the tearshes who ahve to deal with me wont miss me
there will be an open spot thonig more
Il lbe gone
nottihng more
It woudnt matter
alll i do is make copys
All i do is hurt peooeple
All i do is mkae mpeople want to leabve
Well ill mkae the choice ieasy why donti loveave
Il llevt you be
If i leave no one will hurt
Seee this is all aobut me
Im not good unuf
Wasnt good unuf for soccer
Wasnt good unuf for the paly
Wasnt good u nuf for ER
Soon i wont be good unuf for leadership
So i could jsut leave
woudnt it akme it easer on all of you ?

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

I jsut i dont know
see ithoguh it was the write things
but the look the look in you;re eye
i know i made you hurt
and who am i
ahhhhhh who am i
i hurt you
and it lookled liek i amost made yo cry
i thouht it was the wright thing but now i see
wh onyt you jsut hate me?
please will you sut hate me thne iould run away thne icoudl die and now one would cry
What a lowsey friend amd i
i made you do someitnhg you didnt want to do
i would hat me
if i was you
and why couse iothugh it was best
man ewho am i
i dnot knwo what best
i am jsut a foool
I act so cool
and play of my mask
oh the mask
i look likei knwo what is best
adn yet who am i
i am such afool
i dont knw waht to do
I play off that im so strong
but wright now iwant to look more doorand spend the day asleep in my room
you want to isolat youres self
i want to to
but im scared of my thoguh
if i jsut keep on movine
i won ahve ot ithnk
if i jsut keep on being buess i wnat have to tkae adrink
What kidna firnd am o
THe kinda that makes oyu wan to sink
the kinda that kema you wnat ot dies
waht kinda frined ma i
i am miserble in all seeesn as a frined who jsut filles you with emtines
oh i cry froy ou
oh i cry for you
you do not diserveiths game
you diserve soeithng so much more tame
some one stabel
soem one mroe able
My God him self kil me
jsut to stop the pain i put you through
LEt Him strick and kill me now
AMbby with rhe flue
with a cari hope its true
jsut kil wme with aknife
i wont put up a fite
Or mabbey kill we with hite
slowly and painfuly if you please
jsut to ttek the pain form thos i've hurt
to help htohs tt i always divert
through meto the curb
PLease jsut dont let thme hurt...

Sunday, April 26, 2009

Im tired of messing up jsut so ever one knows
im tired of it.
Im tired of pain.
Im tired of life. Im tired of being the bad guy
Im tired of not habving the write thing to say.
Im tired of lieing. Im tired of being told im not good unuf.
Im tired of being hurt.
Im tired of fealing likei want to cry but never elting my self or never being able to
Im itred of living like this
Im tired of being tires
It tired of being me
Im tired of trying hard
Im tired of working adn getting nothnifg fomr it
Im tire of not being good unuf

I guess stuff ahs jsut been going on this was a gblog befor but i change the adress s my frined asced em if i had delted it oculd ahve told her no and that i jsut chaged the adres but didnt want to cosue this is the only place i cna say what ever i want to say and she wanont get magde at me. Man some times i m tired of that frendship i never say the write thing i never do the writght things atlest weeekly she gets amd at me nad it hurts and im tierd of it im tired of bieng hurt and the thing is sje dosnt even know itry o tel ehr and she jsut gets mead dani pleas dani waht is so stinkin ahard aoubt i dont want to tlakobut it any more what is so hard to udnerst that some one got uncofertable what is so stinkin hard aoubt that to stink undernst hwy cant she. She jsut gets mad she is alway amd at me ialways do soemithg worng i always mkae her mad some how i alwas always do something wong im ena come on me do someitnh write ha thats a joke.

Im tierd of this fealing see i have another frined nad i might have sliped out someoe of how i feal and all and now she is worred im dipressed what she dsont know is that im sue to thins i have felt tihs way for so long i;ve don it all beofr she tihnk when she talks i dont get it but i do i live it. She is awlays worrrded dosnt want me dipresed man i have bne like this forever i didnt know dipresion could couse headachs untl a docter siad it and when my mom asked me if was dipressed i jsut sad no of coures it is totly posible it runs in my family. Ha ha a drunk jerk father whos diressed sont get that that effects kids moving effects fealing hopleslost adn emti nca kinda do this to aperons Peopal not seem to get when isay stuff aoubt my self i have atendince to bolev it and then see it as true its kinds like my way fo crying out i guess. I hate it. I ahte it all. I wish i oculd jsut curl up in a ball and disaper. There are some days i want tocome home and jsut not tlato any one losk my door and not come out. The only reosn idont is cos i have people dipending on me. Ha how funy people dipendiing on someone hwo is faling apart some one who dsont know up fomr down. Ha its funy wrting helps but hurts atll at the same time. I jsut i dont know i jsut wnat it to all stop. Oh and by the way im tited of palying of that stupid stupid maks. I go to churhc usnday night adn ill good smileing having fun adn thne i get home an i fell like imgdiging and i hate it i jst hate it. That is the worst feling in the world goinb g sfrom like over the moon to 6 ft under it kills it akmmes me jstu want to lay in bed and enver move to never ever get bakc up agen.

Im tired of woring poeli realy am. I jsut worry poelp all the item. I ahve a finred that i tnhk i scared good last night. I ddint mean to it jsut jsut hurt. I dont know why. See it wasnt logicla at the piont in time i've felt the pain but usly it coems with my piered and is cramps realy realy bad crams that mkae me puke my guts out. Adn last inght i was so scared i would. I was so glad i could fall aaslepe. I ddint mena to worry ehr but when yu;re stomics husrts liekt hat its not easy to ignor. I nca ignore my knee and head ashc but that one no way its like like soemone is shooting me stabing em Hum nice tohugh someone killing me. Ha hA that a ice though t o ithnk thaat to me it feals nice if soemone wnat s to kil me amni m one meessed up kid nothnig knew though i always knew that. Im just tired of well everthing

Sunday, April 12, 2009

A better pale with out me

Do you ever feal like no matter what you say no matter waht you do you are always doing seomthnig wrong. Welcoe to my world. It seems mor eand more no matter what i do no matter whati say i am jsut doing it wrong.I keep starting fights. What ever isay is worng. What ever i do is worng. Im wrong. I almost miss spoke tonight and told a frined why donti jsut go killl my self ill make you;re life a hole lot easer. and when i tihnk abotu it realy think aobut it... its true. If i went off and killed my self it would be better fore ever one. I menai ahve one perons i once kalled my best frined who i am constitly fighitng with and constily geting hr mad at me. Im constintly sayig the wrong thing doing the wrog tihng. I never doanything wright with her. Thne i have a ntohe finred weere i have distruped the order of ehr life. Messed things up with her. Evner as im sitng ehr i have my best frined elling at me. MAbby mabby if you jsut elt me get a few days with out you killing me i owuld be ok. And then tihs over thing frine di know i;ve done things that ahve made her look diffrnet at things or hcange some or waht ever i jsut dont knw if the hcange is good or bad yet i guess tim will tel. My family would e better. I mena sut more mony for my paronts to spend on and another mouth to feed, Another kid to get thorgh colige amni wounder how much mony they would save if iwasn around probley a hug piece of change. My siter would be better of one less anying pest. Kids at school woudnt enve notice. And peole at churho wudnt even care. MY family owuld be glad to get soemone so anying out and frinds the litlt i have would be glad they dot have in inmature little kid aorund, All and all i dont relay doanyitnhg write i mena come on im jsut an ideat an anyng pest. If ikilled my self it woudl be better for the world better for ever one. I ea comeone who wnats me waround? Im jsut some idotice, nasrsitec, anying, pest like, life sucking, uncareing, insenstive, undiservieng, ungratful little ideat who is jsuta pain in eerones butt.

Her lies DAni Boucher. Were glad the grond took her cosue the world sure didnt want her. Praise God she is gone.

Friday, April 10, 2009

Who want to
Who would want to tlak to me
Im not specil
I have nothnig good to say
I dont udnenst
I odnt tihnk you quie get it dani
yeha i know im jsut a little kid to oyu
So iinisint
adn i knwo i dont knwo pain
I get it
to oyu im just another perosn
so all of you jsut another humen
jsut another dead ear
Jsut another perons hwo dont get it
Just another perons who is worthless
yes thats me

What if told youthough
What if i let youknow
I get it
I get what oit is like to sit in crowed of pople of frineds enve
adn feal totly alone
to not wnat o to tkae the next breth
To want to jsut curl up in a ball and never ever wake agen
What if itold oyu kno what it was like to feal so diconected adn not ene be able to knw how to get back
What if i to l you know what it is like
THat i could undersnt ever word yuos aid
and how it felt

no i cna t
you woudnt boelve me
you would sutthink im trying to play you amke you feal better
i cnat say it to you cosue i knwo you wont boelve ites true
i get it i ikno
i udnenrst

To oyu all i am is that litle kid
To oyu all i am is someon who will never get it
Who jsut ownt udnernst
i get i tok
i get it
i jsut wish oyou know

Monday, April 6, 2009

That is me

An uptrusction
An opstical
thats all i am

A freak
A now it all
thats all i am

I jerk
an un careinfg frined
thats who i am

Un loving
un lovable
that who i am

A freak
A monster
that what i am

A burdon
A wiaght
That waht i am

A hater
a fight
that is y charicter

A bitrarer
A killer
THat is my charictor

I am the one that you though loved you
But ended up killing you
That is me

I am the one you confide in
But thne find whos words are filled empty
That is me

I am the one you boleve in
But the one who thne crushed you;re dreams
THat is me

I am the killer who you sought refuger in
But thne you saw the evil side of my mask
THat is me

I am the one who has through you in the grace
iI am the one who barried oyu
THat is me

I am the one who words are meaninless
I am the one whos words are always worng
THat is me

I ma the onw the leach
the one that feeds of of you
That is me

The one who filles you;re heart with hatred
THe one who filles you mind iwth dipresion
that is me

Just kill me
through me off a brig
shoot me in the head
slite my thorought
Ride the world of the reched beast i all me
menless owrth less
Yes my frined that is me
But who am i to clal oyu my frined
I am the beast
So kill me let me a die slowly
Let me dye painfuly
Let me die
L:et the world be ride of me
It is better with out me